I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
