Just fell off a train. Bad.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
