Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
