hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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