my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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