I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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