Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
