I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
