is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
