I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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