...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Of course I have a pirate flag
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
