ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
