He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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