i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
