Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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