so explain again why im purple
no
barbara walters just said penis...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize