The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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