I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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