my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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