I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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