You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
