imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You need a sexual gate keeper
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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