thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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