i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
