I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
