I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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