We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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