Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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