I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This house was built for laser tag.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
