If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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