dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
