The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We are two peas in an std pod
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
