WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
