Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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