if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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