He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
