Will you blow on my dice?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
