Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
