happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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