Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was like eating out sand paper
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
