Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
