I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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