shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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