Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
