I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize
