Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
