Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He passed out mid-signature
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
