I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
