Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
