So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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