Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
