haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My life is pants optional.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
