I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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