I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
