No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
