And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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