porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Say something about gay babies.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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