I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
