Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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