New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
