Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
