I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
