MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
