like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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