so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
