the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
