I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
