I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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