how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
