In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
