I must be too annoying 4 u.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
