He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
