How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
