i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
