you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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