I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is Oprah even human
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
