Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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