Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
