Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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