All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
