So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
