New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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