Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
