ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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